How to clean a wallabee
The hardest part is catching the springy bastards…
Obviously, this is not about the animal. No doubt a set of instructions for how to perform a full shampoo and condition on a small kangaroo may be useful to some, I’m not sure I’m best placed to offer them. I can go for weeks without seeing a wallaby in East London.
Clark’s Wallabees are iconic. Since they were first introduced in 1964, you have seen them adorn the soles of artists from Kanye to Richard Ashcroft. I couldn’t think of a better shoe to wear whilst inconsiderately walking down a busy Hoxton Street. Wallabees were appreciated by all 9 members of the Wu-Tang Clan. Essentially the Turing Test for quality footwear. In Gravel Pit, Method Man eloquently states “Follow me, Wu-Tang gotta be the best thing since stocks in Clark Wallabees”. True say Method Man, true say. However, Method Man may have soon concluded, that a set of beige suede Wallabees may have been the wrong choice for bopping around a dusty gravel pit.
Anyway, enough drivel. I have 2 sets of Wallebees. Identical in style (low ankle, beige), but keep 1 set for smart. This was working for a while until I had to start going on dates outdoors due to the covid-19 regulations. Sitting crossed-legged in a damp London Fields can really bugger up your suede. So to the internet, I turned, and thus found a man PASSIONATE about cleaning shoes. I will essentially regurgitate what he put in video form and give links.
Step 1 — Order the following items
Step 2 — Remove your laces. Not hard, don’t think this needs any further instruction.
Step 3 — Get a bowl or some clean Tupperware from last night’s Deliveroo (perfect size). Put in some water. I would say double the amount of water you’d generally need to swallow a few painkillers. Make sure the water is warm. It’s nicer on your hands that way. Take the liquid from the Reshoevn8r kit, and do 3 squeezes of that liquid into the water.
Step 4 — Take the soft brush from the Reshoevn8r and dip it in your water, shake it about a bit. Make sure it’s the soft brush.
Step 5 — Now just start scrubbing the suede basically. Keep the shoe tree in throughout the entire process. Do the entire shoe, you don’t want to try and spot clean. I treat each shoe as left side and back, right side and back, top/tongue and then toe. Between each section, I dip the brush back in the water. There should be white bubbles all over the shoe. Once scrubbed, take the flannel from the Reshoevn8r pack and wipe all excess liquid off. Your shoe should just look like a wet wallabee now.
Step 6 — Take your hard brush, dip it in your water, then start scrubbing at the gummy soles. This doesn’t take too much explanation. Only takes a couple of minutes. Try not to touch the suede with the hard brush.
Step 7— Once you’ve done both shoes, drop your laces in your remaining water and just… smoosh them about a bit. Rub them together. Put them on a radiator to dry.
Step 8— When your shoes are dry, before putting the laces in, you will want to treat them with the Suede Renovater. Do this outside. Or don’t, your choice. Who am I to tell you what to do? Basically, hold the shoe at a distance and try and spray up and down doing a light coating.
Click here for the full video.
Honestly, I was shocked at how good a job this did of restoring the shoes to their former beauty. I shall no longer cower from gravel pits nor inconsiderate pavement strutters. To be quite frank, I regret spending the 100 on having a smart pair. Unnecessary ballsy drunk purchase.
So there you have it, the most boring blog post in history, but potentially quite helpful.